


Serenade Me: A Totalcox Christmas Fic

by Kaya4114



Category: Real Person Fiction, Totalcox - Fandom
Genre: A christmas songfic I wrote a while ago. Tons of fluff., M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 00:43:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16843717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaya4114/pseuds/Kaya4114
Summary: It's Christmas time and Jesse decides to take a trip to visit a friend for the holidays.  Karaoke fun and tons of fluff.  If you like cavities then you will love this.   Posting to AO3 because I am unsure how the bots on Tumblr will recognize "Totalcox" and I really love this one.. It's not my fault Jesse Cox has a lewd sounding last name. .. Plus it's one of the ones I finished.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> A sort of Christmas inspired fiction, where John and Jesse get drunk and sing Karaoke.
> 
> At the end of each Chappy I will have a link to the songs sang. Enjoy and Merry Christmas!

John just stood there as the snow was starting to fall on the cold pavement. It was a chilly December night, and a lot had happened the previous week. Besides the Podcast being postponed due to him having computer trouble, his car had broke down and needed to go to the shop, and he was having issues with Youtube uploader which meant the latest episode of

_‘WTF is…?’_

would be late to post.

It felt like if anything could be going wrong, it was. John let out a sigh and just stared at the falling snow.

London was pretty this time of year, and the many bars and pubs were bustling with patrons looking for a bite to eat and a pint to drink. No doubt Jesse would be out and about next week with them, and would undoubtedly drag John with. He rolled his eyes but chuckled a little bit. It was indeed going to be an interesting Christmas.

***Earlier***

“So I was thinking of taking a trip to England..”

Jesse smiled at John on the other end of the Skype call. John raised an eyebrow at his long time friend, who just laughed and explained,

“Honestly dude, I have been in need of a vacation for a while, and my folks said that they weren’t planning on doing anything big for Christmas this year. I figured, hey why not take a trip out of the country and see some real snow for the holidays. LA doesn’t get that cold as you know, and I think it will be fun to experience a 'white’ Christmas.”

John hadn’t even thought about what he was going to do for the holidays this year, since his schedule had been botched for the next while, so the reminder from Jesse had him trying to think up something to do on the spot—to which he came up with nothing.

“I see.” Was all he could think to reply.

On the other end of the Skype call, Jesse sat at his computer, the plane ticket already purchased and sitting on his desk along with his passport and other ID. He glanced at it before continuing,

“I’m not asking you to house me or anything, don’t worry about that… I have the cash for a hotel, but I was just wondering if you wanted to meet up… Maybe do a brief fan get together or something of the like. Or grab a drink to celebrate the season? I mean.. It’s ok if you don’t want too, but… ”

A brief smile crossed the blonde’s lips as he looked away from his screen at his keyboard. The two of them had been friends for many years but Jesse could never think to put John in a situation like that. It would be rude to invite your self over to someone’s house, and besides… if John ever knew about… Well….. Let’s just say things would be awkward.

“Yeah sure. That actually sounds like a lot of fun. Come to think, I don’t have any plans my self for Christmas, and you just reminded me of it now. We should do something maybe, yeah?”

Jesse’s eyes raised to meet his friend’s with a smile.

“Awesome. I should be in town on the 17th. When I get in, I’ll give you a call and we can figure something out.”

When the Skype call ended, Jesse remained sitting there with a growing smile on his face.

It was true that the two had been friends for a while. In fact, it was kind of lucky how the friendship came to be, and Jesse was really grateful things happened the way that they did.

They knew about one and other for a while before actually becoming friends, but the thing that changed everything was after Jesse had entered one of John’s contests. He did a musical parody of the song “Take on Me” titled “Raid with Me” and came in 3rd place.

John had told him he was in stitches over the song, laughing for days and that he thought Jesse had a lot of talent. When the Cataclysm Beta came out, the two of them ended up in a friendly competition to see who would get their videos up first, and eventually they found them selves working together.

They co-hosted the TGS podcast along with Dodger and a random guest, and even occasionally did co-op episodes for

_'WTF is.._

’ which eventually spawned a spin off series for the game Terraria. Though their relationship extended farther than just co workers.

Whenever John had business to do in the US, he would crash at Jesse’s place to save money. The two of them would play games all night and occasionally get drunk together. He never even realized when it happened. Maybe it was a gradual thing but, he had started to really become attached to his cynical friend and that was the very reason he couldn’t bring him self to ask to stay at John’s house.

Jesse looked at the plane ticket again and smiled. Regardless of the little secret he had been keeping for a while, he was happy to be able to spend time with John for the holidays. That’s what Christmas is really about anyways, right? Spending time with the people you care about.

“He wont have to know.”

****

As the Skype call had ended, John sat in front of his computer thinking.

“Well if Jesse is coming down for the holidays, I really should think of something to do. I have just been so busy I completely forgot that December is here.”

John internally cringed as he realized that his fans would soon be bothering him again about another Christmas song. It was only a few years ago when Jesse promised *for* him– that he would sing 'Santa Baby’, and now every year the fans have come to expect a carol or two from the Brit. It’s not that he didn’t like singing. Quite the contrary actually, he rather enjoyed it and he even used to sing parody songs for WoW Radio all the time in the past. It’s just that singing wasn’t what he focused on, and editing songs and making sure they were to his standards of quality would be more work and time than he had available, what with his other obligations.

“I could always get him a gift. I mean, the man is choosing to spend his holidays here instead of the US with his family. It would be a nice gesture.”

At that point, he stood up from his computer and put on his coat and shoes and headed out into the cold.

*****

John let out another sigh as a puff of steam billowed out of his mouth into the cold night air. As the snow gently fell to the ground he walked to the nearest liquor store and decided on a bottle of wine. It wasn’t much of a gift, but the two of them could decide on something fun to do once Jesse arrived.

Heading back to his house, John walked along the street and continued watching the people as they passed by laughing. The holidays were a time to be spent with people, and everyone was just in the happiest mood. He smiled to him self, and found he was actually looking forward to his friends arrival. Earlier worries and problems of the week gone from his mind, he eventually reached his house, bottle in hand, and headed inside.

“I should wrap this up.. I think I have some paper around here somewhere.”

Rustling through his drawers he managed to find some suitable red foil and a gold colored string. He wrapped the bottle with the foil and tied the string around the neck of it and placed it on his table. It wasn’t much but it was a nice gift. He then returned to his computer to continue his work thinking quietly to him self. Hopefully his fans wouldn’t be too angry that

_'WTF is..?’_

was late.

****

It wasn’t long before the 17th arrived. The plane touched down in England, and Jesse emerged from the building into the cold winter air. Inhaling deeply the crisp scent of the weather, he smiled. This should be a fun three weeks.

He walked across the road looking for a taxi of some sort, hoping to find a nearby hotel to crash at, and soon enough, Jesse found him self in a nice clean hotel room ready to unpack. He opened up his suit case and started to put his clothes away in the provided drawers, and once he was fully unpacked, Jesse grabbed his cell phone and dialed up John.

As the phone rang, he found that he was a little nervous, and wasn’t quite sure why.

“Hello?” Came a voice on the other end of the phone. It was deep and sounded mildly annoyed. Yep. Definitely John.

“Hey buddy, I’m in town.” Jesse responded cheerfully.

John was having a slightly annoying day, and was just about to click send on a comment he was about to post to some troll on his reddit page, when the phone rang interrupting his thoughts. He walked over to it and picked it up, and upon hearing Jesse, just chuckled on the other end of the line before replying,

“Jesse? Good to see you made it here safely.”

“So about those plans.. Did you want to get a bite to eat tonight? The flight was long and I am actually quite hungry.”

John thought for a moment before replying. He had a few more things to do, but he supposed those could wait now that his friend had arrived in town.

“Which hotel are you staying at?” Jesse replied to him, “At the Travelodge London Central. I believe the address is 206 Union Street.”

“Ah, I know where that is. My car just got out of the shop today actually, so I could come by to pick you up in about an hour. Does that sound good?”

Jesse looked over at his laptop and replied, “Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll just be on the laptop. Give me a call on Skype or my cell when you are on your way.”

“Will do.” And at that, Jesse closed the phone.

He then flopped onto the bed and booted up his laptop. He proceeded to log into facebook to let everyone know he arrived safe and sound, after which he then decided to answer a few of his Asks on Tumblr to pass the time.

_“Hey Jesse, is it possible to get a Christmasy-themed episode of Cox N’ Crendor In the Morning??”_

an anonymous user had asked. Jesse replied to him,

_“I do believe that could be a possibility.”_

A bit more scrolling and he stumbled upon some 'totalcox’ fanart that his normal Tumblr tag had been used along side of. Jesse smiled. It didn’t happen too often, because the general etiquette for shipping was that you don’t tag the actual account. It’s considered rude and impolite.. however, sometimes a newcomer to the fandom wouldn’t know that, and a few stray pictures or stories would slip in here and there. Jesse didn’t mind though. Occasionally he would even look the 'totalcox’ tag up directly. It started off as a joke originally.. mostly just a way to annoy TB and get under his skin, but some of those fanfics he found, he was actually kind of enjoying them– and even found him self following a few of them wondering what would happen next.

When it got to the point where he finally admitted to him self that he had a crush on John, the stories served as an indulgence for him mostly, and he played it down as if he found the whole idea as some big joke, and nothing more. But the secret truth was, he was beginning to wish a lot of them were true…and as such, he started encouraging fans to make more of the stuff. No one had to know the truth. He could live his fantasy though the words of those stories.

Jesse typed the tag in and began to scroll though the posts. He was about to click on a new update for one of the stories he was following, when his Skype went off. Sure enough, it was John calling to tell him he was on his way.

With hidden disappointment, Jesse closed his laptop and headed down to the reception area where John was going to meet him. When he got there, they would decide where they wanted to eat. Jesse strolled into the lobby, and sat down on one of the chairs to wait for John. A brief moment passed, but eventually he arrived, and it appeared he had something in his hand that looked like a bottle.

“Well, I see you made it in once piece at least. Merry Christmas Jesse!” He said with a smile, and handed Jesse the bottle of wine. Jesse just stared at the gift before turning to TB and pulling him into an unexpected hug.

“Merry Christmas to you too, man! Good to see you again. What’s all this?”

He began to pill the gold string on the wrapped package, to discover John and gotten him a bottle of red wine.

“I figured if you were spending the holidays here, it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to let you leave without a gift. It’s not much, but hey– it should still be better then that cheap stuff we all drank at the podcast that one time.”

Jesse laughed at the memory. It was episode 14 of the TGS podcast, and him, TB and Dodger all got drunk off cheap wine when John had decided to come down to the states. Later on that evening, the two of them had a dance off in Jesse’s living room and they recorded the whole thing and uploaded it to the Internet.

“Well thank you very much for this. I am sure I will put it to good use.” Jesse replied, followed by the question, “So where we heading to eat?”

John thought a moment and then replied, “I know a nice pub that has really good chicken wings.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

John then motioned for Jesse to follow him out to the car. As they exited the building, the sharp chilled air took Jesse by surprise a little.

“I’m not used to that. It’s really cold here this time of year.”

John laughed and opened the side door of his car for his friend to get in. At first Jesse thought John was letting him drive, but once he realized the steering wheel was on the opposite side of the car, he chuckled to him self and got in. England was a lot different than LA in more way than just the cold.

John started up the car, and headed towards one of the pubs that he had seen on his trip to get the wine that week prior. Feeling kind of playfully argumentative, as they were driving John decided to start a conversation.

“So why here? What made you decide to come to jolly ol’ england for Christmas? Surely there isn’t anything that different from the US?”

Jesse thought about his answer and replied.

“Snow. I wanted to see what it was like to have Christmas like how it is in the movies.”

“Canada’s closer though.” John retorted back with a smile.

“I don’t have any friends in Canada.” Jesse replied, to which John just chuckled to him self for a moment before adding,

“So you came to see me then.”

Jesse was quiet. John expected some sort of joking remark, but was surprised when none came. After a moment of silence, Jesse simply just said,

“Yeah. Is that a bad thing?”

John wasn’t sure how to respond to that question. Usually Jesse was all jokes and laughter, so his seriousness sort of took John off guard. After considering for a moment how to respond, he noticed they were almost at the bar and just went with,

“I don’t suppose it is. Alright, we’re here.” Jesse’s seriousness immediately vanished at the thought of food and he grinned widely saying,

“Awesome. I’m absolutely starving.”

The two of them exited the car and headed up the slippery steps to the bar. When they entered the place, it smelled strongly of peppermint and pine from the nearby Christmas tree, and there was catchy Christmas music playing in the background. John smiled at Jesse, and Jesse smiled back, excited to finally get some food into him. The two of them took a seat at the bar, and John motioned over the bar keeper.

“So I take it you want to grab a couple pounds of wings then?” John asked as he turned to Jesse.

“Yeah, I’ll take a Guinness and a pound of wings.”

“I’ll have the same.” John said, and the gentlemen behind the bar nodded and went on to get their order. John turned back to Jesse, a relaxed smile on his lips.

“I have been in need of a break. What with Youtube giving me trouble, and my Sub-reddit just seems to keep attracting trolls. I can’t seem to keep up with work, so it’s nice to just settle down and have a beer with an old friend, ya know? Thanks for taking the trip down here, man.”

Jesse smiled back at John, tapping his fingers on the bar table to the beat of the music, “It’s not a problem. Honestly, Youtube has been annoying lately and what with the holidays fast approaching, the work load seems to get larger. I am just glad I managed to get the time to escape here for a few short weeks.”

John nodded, “Speaking of.. How long are you down here for anyways Jesse?”

“Around three. A little less, but my return plane ticket is for the 4th of January, so close to three weeks. I wont be able to ignore work too much, but then, thats why I brought the laptop.”

“Understandable.”

At that point, the bar keeper returned with their food, and the two of them dug in. As the two of them bit into their wings, a voice came over the speakers and the music quieted down.

“Ding Dong, it’s eight o clock! You all know what that means: It’s time to start our Karaoke Kraze! Come up and pick your songs from the book. The Karaoke Theme today is Christmas music, but you don’t have to sing that if you don’t want to. Come on up and show us your talent!”

Jesse smiled and turned around to watch the people all head towards the book to pick some songs to sing. John watched as well, and upon looking back at Jesse, got a very evil idea.

“I’ll be right back.” He said, to which Jesse wondered what he was up to. John then walked over to the book and started skimming through the musical tunes until he found one he felt was perfect for his plan.

_Mariah Carey - All I Want for Christmas is You. Perfect._

All the while Jesse was watching his friend curiously. He walked to the book and appeared to have chosen a song. Then he walked up to the DJ and said something to him and proceeded to return to his seat with a somewhat evil grin on his face.  
  
“Feel like singing today, TB? You haven’t even touched your beer yet.” Jesse laughed. John just smirked and replied,  
  
“Oh I’m not the one who feels like singing tonight. You are.”  
  
Jesse went a little pale and replied,  
  
“OH _NO_ … I’m not getting up there. You kidding me? My hands are all saucy.”  
  
“Then you better finish your food quickly or go clean your hands because you’re up next. You think I forgot about your little stunt a couple years ago? This will teach you to make me sing Santa Baby. Payback’s a bitch.”  
  
John just grinned evilly, but then Jesse who looked a little distressed, relaxed and smirked back.  
  
“Ok then, fine! I’ll get up there and knock-em all dead.”  
  
Soon enough, Jesse was called to the stage, and as he walked up to the mic and was told what song he would be singing, Jesse chuckled.  
  
_Figures it would be a song sang by a girl. Santa Baby was as well. Look out TB, because I’m about to blow you away._  
  
He winked at TB as the music began to play, and then busted out some of the most unexpected notes John had ever heard.  
  
_“I don’t want a lot for Christmas……There is just one thing I need….I don’t care about the presents..Underneath the Christmas tree…..”_  
  
So.. Jesse could sing after all. This was a shocker.  
  
All through out the song, Jesse was swaying his hips back and fourth to the beat, batting his eyelashes at John trying to make him uncomfortable. The way he saw it, if John was going to embarrass Jesse, he was going to get some of it back.  
  
_“Oh I won’t ask for much this Christmas, I won’t even wish for snow.. And I’m just gonna keep on waiting.. Underneath the mistletoe”_  
  
Jesse then winked at John again with the evilest of smiles, and the whole bar was clapping and singing with him. By the time the song ended, the bar was standing and clapping and Jesse bowed before returning to his seat. John sat there unsure of whether to be impressed with Jesse, or embarrassed that the song was directed at him for the whole bar to see. A very light blush painted his cheeks from said embarrassment, so he just said to Jesse,  
  
“Well I see you can sing.”  
  
Jesse scoffed a little at John and replied in a challenging tone,  
  
“Dude, I rocked the mic so much better than you with Santa Baby. You wish you had this much talent.”  
  
John then smirked back at Jesse, understanding what this meant.  
  
“You’ve got to be kidding me. I can sing ten times better than anything you could even hope for.”  
  
“Prove it then.” Jesse retorted, “I challenge you to a sing off!”  
  
John, wondering how the hell he managed to get him self into this, just rolled his eyes but smiled. Fine. He would do it. He sang Santa Baby for the whole Internet to hear. A small bar full of people wouldn’t even be a quarter of his view count of the song on the first day it was posted. He couldn’t possibly have anything else to lose. Not even his dignity. John was about to get up when Jesse said,  
  
“Ah-ahh…” Shaking his finger at John, “I get to choose the song. You chose mine.”  
  
He then got up and walked over to the book and flipped through. Eventually he found a suitable Christmas song for John to sing: Merry Christmas Darling by Karen Carpenter. It was a little slower and less up beat than the one he had to sing, but this would still be hilarious to see TB singing a Christmas love song. He wandered back to his seat and John just turned to him,  
  
“So which song am I singing then.”  
  
“You’ll see… Darling.” Jesse said with an evil grin.  
  
“Oh god.. I can only imagine.”  
  
After a couple people finished singing it was John’s turn so he slowly wandered back to the stage and took a look at the book to see which song it was. When he saw it though, instead of cringing like Jesse thought, he actually grinned. As it turned out, John actually liked this one, and had sang it before one Christmas for an ex girlfriend of his.  
  
He approached the mic, and had a comfortable look in his eyes and a small smile on his lips as he quietly started the song, the light piano accompanying his opening words.  
  
_“Greeting cards have all been sent..The Christmas rush is through..But I still have one wish to make…_  
_A special one.. for.. you……”_  
  
Jesse watched him as he comfortably sang the opening, and found him self memorized by Johns voice.  
  
_“Merry Christmas, darling…..We’re apart, that’s true. But I can dream, and in my dreams…I’m Christmasing with you. Holidays are joyful. There’s always something new…But every day’s a holiday, when I’m near to you.”_  
  
John raised his hand in an arcing motion as he sang, if he was describing the song to someone in particular, his eyes were not focused on anyone at all,  
  
_“The lights on my tree, I wish you could see….I wish it every day.” He then closed his eyes, “The logs on the fire_  
_Fill me with desire….To see you and to say..That I wish you Merry Christmas. Happy New Year too…I’ve just one wish on this Christmas Eve. I wish I were with you.”_  
  
As the song went on and the music in the background played, Jesse’s cheeks flushed and he found he was wishing that the song was for him. He never did say how much he liked John’s rendition of Santa Baby. He felt John had talent, but never had he been so touched by a song as he seemed to be as he listened to this. Soon the song finished, and John returned to his chair with a confident smile on his face.  
  
“Don’t you _ever_ tell me you can sing better than me.” He said to Jesse, grinning wide, the smirk ever present.  
  
Jesse smiled back, and began to realize that this was a lot of fun, and he kind of enjoyed singing karaoke with his friend. He replied to John with that smile on his face,  
  
“Not bad John, not bad. But you see, this competition isn’t over. That was just one song. To truly know who is the better singer I think it’s only fair if we have a series of songs, some chosen by the singer as well. Besides, I am kind of having fun letting lose and watching you sing. You can’t tell me you aren’t as well.”  
  
John agreed. This was a nice change from simple banter and video editing. He thought about it, and nodded in agreement.  
  
“It’s true. This is kind of fun. It’s been a long time since my days with WoW Radio, and I am kind of enjoying working my pipes again. This place does Karaoke every night too, so we can come back again tomorrow if you like.”  
  
“That sounds like fun.” Jesse said.  
  
The two of them spent most of the night eating chicken wings, drinking beer and taking turns at the mic to sing. Most of the bar patrons loved it, and would sing and clap along with them. It felt like no time had passed before it was already 2 am and the barkeep was doing last call.  
  
“We should head back.” John said, and Jesse nodded in agreement.  
  
“Are you ok to drive? I think I had one too many my self.” John just nodded at Jesse,  
  
“Don’t worry, I stopped drinking an hour ago. I only had 3 mugs, I should be ok.”  
  
The two of them then got up and headed for the door, with big smiles on their faces. They got into the car, and John drove Jesse back to the hotel. As Jesse got out, he turned to his friend,  
  
“John?” John looked at him, “Thanks for tonight. And thanks for getting me up there. It was a lot of fun.”  
  
John smiled at Jesse, “It was my pleasure. I had to have payback for Santa Baby after all lol. Maybe tomorrow I’ll bring a camera to record you.”  
  
Jesse just laughed and shut the door waving to his friend. John drove back home with a big smile on his face. Having Jesse around was fun.  
  
***  
  
The next morning John woke up, he rolled over in his bed smiling about earlier yesterday evening. Seven o clock pm couldn’t come fast enough, he was thinking to him self. He climbed out of bed and wandered into his kitchen, and began to make him self some breakfast. As he did, he began to think of songs he would want to sing that night.  
  
There were many songs he liked, and lot of them had good and catchy tunes, but what he mostly enjoyed besides parodies, was singing songs that spoke out to him lyrically. There was a lot to choose from, and many different genres of music so he was trying to come up with a set list per say, of things he felt would work well.  
  
He then began to wonder about which songs Jesse would pick to sing. As he wandered with his breakfast over to his computer, he smiled to him self. Today would be a good day, and not even the forum trolls could ruin it.  
  
***


	2. 2

Jesse woke the next morning with a large smile on his face. The night before had been more fun than he had expected, and even though it started off as revenge for the “Santa Baby” fiasco, it turned out to be a night he wouldn’t soon forget.  
  
The booze in his system towards the end of the evening, he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. His dreams were filled of John’s voice, singing to him softly.. the tangy taste of wing sauce and the crisp smell of Pine and Christmas.. it was a wonderful dream only made better by the fact that a lot of it actually happened.  
  
He crawled out of bed reluctantly, but still smiling, and pulled the laptop over to him and booted it up. Starting up his video editing software, he started to finish up his upcoming video for that weeks Fan Friday. He had a bit of work to do, but he was in a really good mood and couldn’t wait for that evening.  
  
 _I should really think of some songs to sing. John is really talented, and I can’t let him one up me here.._   
  
Jesse, at that moment, popped over to Youtube and immediately started browsing the songs uploaded to find some things he could sing. After some time, he decided on a few really interesting ones. He was feeling bold, and kind of adventurous and figured TB wouldn’t know that the selections had deeper meaning.   
  
For him it was all just singing for fun. But for Jesse, this was a chance to tell him how he felt without having to worry about scaring him off. John was already creeped out by the fanfics of the two of them. Jesse didn’t need him to know that there was some truth to them about how he felt. Yet for the last few months, and the more he looked at and the more he read, Jesse longed to tell him. To utter the words he dare not speak. This was his chance to finally actually tell him. No consequences. No worries. If he even began to wonder, Jesse could fall back on _‘it’s just a song. I didn’t write it.’_  
  
Jesse smiled largely. Today was going to be awesome.  
  
****  
  
As the day drew to a close, the familiar jingle of Skype rang on Jesse’s computer and he answered it with a cheerful and happy hello.  
  
“So are you ready to get your ass handed to you on the stage Jesse?” John said with a grin. Jesse just smirked back,  
  
“Oh I don’t need to worry about that. It will be you who bows to me and my amazing voice.”  
  
“We shall see. Get ready, I should be there in a bit.”  
  
Jesse grinned at him and nodded and the Skype call ended. Going into the drawers, Jesse decided to put on something a little nicer tonight. If he was going to be putting on a performance, he may as well dress the part, right? Sure it was a bar, but this.. this was personal for him. His own sort of accomplishment. No one needed to know.   
  
****  
  
John closed Skype and began to get ready. He decided for the occasion, he would take his trusty and ever famous top hat. He then grabbed a nice black blazer from his closet and headed out the door. Yeah it was a bar, but this wasn’t just a singing competition. This was war.  
  
He drove down the street watching the pretty snow fall. It hadn’t stopped snowing since the day before, and it was starting to look more and more like Christmas. John smiled as he pulled in front of the hotel to see his friend already waiting outside for him, with a huge grin on his face. Jesse saw TBs car and walked over and got in.  
  
“I can’t wait.” Was the first thing he said.  
  
“Nor can I.” John replied, “I have some songs I am sure you are going to really enjoy. Just remember when all is said and done, you better kneel before me and my superior voice.”  
  
“Not before I make you bow to me and mine, buddy.” Jesse retorted with a grin.  
  
“We’ll see.”  
  
Soon enough they were back at the bar. They walked inside, and the bartender recognized them from the night before.  
  
“So back for another round I take it?” The bar keeper said to them as they walked up to the counter.  
  
“Sorry about that.” John replied with a lighthearted smile. The Barkeep shook his head,   
  
“Don’t be. I’m not complaining. I usually use the earplugs after eight. One can only handle so much drunken singing… However, you two actually have talent and are not bad on the ears. For once, I didn’t need to use them.”  
  
Jesse chuckled a little and replied to the man,   
  
“Well thank you. I guess being a voice actor helps with that a little. And John here happens to be an E-sports commentator, so we both have a little experience.”  
  
The barkeep looked a little surprised, “Really? Well that would make sense. Voice acting hmm.. I imagine that is a hard job.”  
  
Jesse pulled up a chair and sat down at the bar.  
  
“Eh, it has it’s ups and downs. Think we could get another order of wings and some beer? We have a little bit before eight and I sing better with food in my belly.”  
  
John sat down next to Jesse and added,   
  
“Think you could double that order?” The barkeep nodded and headed into the back to get started on their food.   
  
John then removed his jacket, and at that moment Jesse noticed John’s attire as he took off his own and laid it on the chair next to him.  
  
“Someone dressed up this evening. Gosh, the top hat and everything.”  
  
As Jesse placed down his coat on the chair beside him John noted Jesse was wearing a nice red dress shirt and black dress pants and commented back,  
  
“I apparently wasn’t the only one. If anyone didn’t know better they ought to think we were on a date.”  
  
As he finished his sentience, Jesse kind of looked away momentarily and retorted with,  
  
“Yeah, a date to KICK YOUR ASS.”   
  
John just chuckled at him, unaware in the dim light of the bar that Jesse actually had a slight blush at the idea of it. The fact that John was the one to point this out only farther instigated this thought as well. Soon, the barkeeper came back with their beer and food. Laying it down, he took a side glance at the duo, and gave them an odd look. He then turned to go back into the kitchen again. John noticed this and thought to him self. Maybe that assessment was more true than he realized.  
  
Jesse dug into his wings, and John just sat there a moment watching his friend eat. Jesse wasn’t bad looking at all, and in fact when he decided too, he actually cleaned up really nice. He began to wonder if people thinking it was a date was such a bad thing after all.   
  
Sure dates were something people in relationships did, but who said that best friends couldn’t go on dates too? He needed a break from work as much as anyone else, and Jesse was really the only person close to him who really understood what it was like to have a job like that. He probably needs that break just as badly. Once they go up to sing, people would probably assume they were a couple… But the more John thought about that, the more he didn’t really care. It was Christmas. Singing was fun. And he was here to spend time with a really good friend. Someone he cared about. And that is what Christmas was about. Spending time with those you care about.  
  
John bit into his wings with a smile and contemplated the first song he could choose in his list. Eventually he came to a decision, and before long, the announcement on the speakers came through.  
  
“I’ll go first.” He said with a smirk to Jesse, who just held out his hand in a 'be my guest’ fashion.   
  
“Consider this a challenge to you.. I dedicate this song to you Jesse, listen well to the words.” John then walked up to the book and looked for his song. There it was. Awaken by Disturbed.  
  
He went to the DJ and told him the track, and then stood before the mic waiting for the music to start. A confident and defiant look on his face, his eyes trained on Jesse.  
  
As the music started, John took the mic from the base and held it to his lips and his voice took on an almost evil tone as he sang–directly– to Jesse, the crowd in the bar watching on eagerly with every word he spoke.   
  
_“Stripped of life, alone in the midst of something that I want to play with your.. evil inside. Wanting, letting go…of what never could be again. Lost and alone! Imprisoned now inside your mind….”_  
  
John then pointed directly at Jesse and sang with a smirk, _“With the way you tried….To destroy me again…You were waiting and living for no one.”_ His eyes were sharp as he looked at Jesse with that smirk, “ _With the way you tried….To completely refuse all your life. Feed on your nothing! You’ll never live up to me!”_  
  
Jesse smirked back at him listening to the lyrics. Thinking to him self in response, _Never live up to you? Oh that indeed is a challenge! Just you wait John, when its my turn I will show you how to sing._ Jesse watched on as John sang. He was having fun up there and Jesse was starting to itch for his turn.  
  
John sang on with each word, his eyes never taken off of Jesse, the challenge in his voice, occasionally pointing at him and dancing around having fun with the song.   
  
_“Awaken you! With a little evil inside! Feed on your nothing cuz you’ll never live up to me! I’ve stricken you! I don’t want to live with the lie! Feed on your nothing and you’ll never live up to me…”_  
  
Jesse was starting to tap to the song now. He hadn’t heard the song before, but it was a Disturbed song and he liked the band. He knew John was a Metal fan, but he didn’t know the man could sing it so well. It was nice to see John having so much fun up there, and his joy was infectious as he found him self wanting his turn the more he watched on.  
  
John’s expression changed a little as he sang to Jesse, the end of the song slowly approaching, his eyes still never leaving the blonde. The smirk and challenge still in his voice he continued,   
  
_“There isn’t a thing that I can do….Watching this whole thing just wash away…Making me long..”_  
  
He pointed at Jesse at this point, _“Making you strong! Awaken you! With a little evil inside! Feed on your nothing, You’ll never live up to me! I’ve stricken you.. I don’t want to live with the lie! Feed on your nothing and you’ll never live up to me….. Oooo Can’t live up to me…. Feed on your nothing. You’ll never live up to me~!”_  
  
As the song ended, the bar exploded into applause and Jesse just sat there with a smirk on his face clapping lightly. John gave a short bow and sauntered back to the bar where Jesse was sitting. Jesse simply smirked at John and replied to his earlier dedication,  
  
“Never live up to you, you say? We’ll see about that, broski.” John smiled back at him, the smirk still lingering on his lips.  
  
“Consider that your challenge, should you choose to accept it Jesse. Beat that performance.. because I imagine you will have trouble.”  
  
“No trouble at all..” Jesse smirked back as he stood and headed to the stage and choose his song.  
  
Flipping through the book he found what it was he was looking for, and walked to the DJ and told him, “Always by Erasure.”  
  
Jesse then walked to the mic and looked over at John who had a curious smile on his face. Wondering what song his friend had chose.  
  
Jesse was a little nervous and hoping John wouldn’t see the meaning behind the song he chose. He pulled the mic close to his lips and began to sing,   
  
_“Open your eyes… I see.. Your eyes are open. Wear no disguise.. for me. Come into the open. When it’s cold…outside….Am I here… in vain? Hold on.. to the night. There will be no shame!”_  
  
Jesse closed his eyes as the next part came, unable to look at John while he sang. Worried he might know but longing to tell him, he sang from the bottom of his heart,  
  
 _“Always, I wanna be with you, And make believe with you, And live in harmony, harmony oh love!”_  
  
John just listened to him sing. It was an odd song choice and not really the response he expected from his friend. But he had to give credit, the man could certainly sing it well enough.

No doubt, if people in the bar didn’t already assume they were together on a date, they were probability assuming now. At that point he decided he didn’t care. Jesse looked like he was actually having fun, and John admitted that he was having fun, so that was all that really mattered to him at that moment. Fuck what anyone else thought.  
  
Jesse opened his eyes and stole a glance at John, who looked like he was actually enjoying the performance. He had a smile on his face as he was watching him, and the expression was one that Jesse almost couldn’t place. He sang on,  
  
 _“Melting the ice for me,..Jump into the ocean. Hold back the tide, I see your love in motion.”_ Jesse decided to have a little fun with the song and pointed to the window, and then to him self in time with the lyrics directing him to in the song, _“When it’s cold…outside….Am I here… in vain? Hold on.. to the night. There will be no shame! Always, I wanna be with you, And make believe with you, And live in harmony, harmony oh love!”_  
  
John smiled at Jesse as he was starting to get into the song. Jesse seemed a little stiff at first but he was defiantly warming up to the lyrics now. This was going to be a fun night, he thought to him self for the probably 50th time. Once the song had ended, John clapped for his friend and Jesse almost sheepishly returned to the chair.  
  
“You looked a little nervous tonight there Cox. My earlier performance throw you off?” John said with a challenge in his voice.  
  
Jesse, his confidence returning, simply replied, “Naw, I just wasn’t sure how the crowd would receive the song. Believe me that one isn’t even the best I have for you tonight. You will just have to wait and see.”  
  
“I certainly hope so. The question I have before me now though, is which song should I use to crush you with.. Hmm…” John then got up and wandered to the book, Jesse watching after him, a small smile on his lips.   
  
That performance was a lot more difficult than John would know, but for reasons other than the song being hard to sing. He wondered what song John was going to pick, and watched on, a light blush on his cheeks. _I wonder if this is what it’s like to actually date John.._. His mind was racing and he stared at his friend as he stood in front of the mic.  
  
John had chosen Rooftops by The Lost Prophets. For how he was feeling, and the fact that he didn’t care how anyone else felt other than the fun he and Jesse would be having, the song seemed to fit really well.  
  
He stood before the mic, and held it to his lips, the smile on his face not challenging anymore but genuinely happy.  
  
 _“When our time is up… When our lives are done.. Will we say we’ve had our fun? Will we make a mark this time? Will we always say we tried? ”_  
  
Jesse smiled back at John, getting that the song was about letting lose and having fun without regrets. He nodded at John, and John nodded back singing as he raised his hand to the ceiling waving it back and forth to the beat.  
  
“ _Standing on the rooftops! Everybody scream your heart out! This is all we got now! Everybody scream your heart out!”_  
  
The crowed in the bar was clapping to the beat of the song in time with Johns hand and Jesse just smiled watching his friend own the stage like it was his home. John watched Jesse who was smiling back at him and continued his song,   
  
_“All the love I’ve met..I have no regrets. If it all ends now, I’m set! Will we make a mark this time? Will we always say we tried?”  
_  
Jesse was having fun and so was he and that was what this was about. No regrets at all. Who cares what anyone says or thinks. There is nothing wrong with two friends having fun.  
  
Soon the song had ended and John returned to his seat, and asked the bar keeper for another beer. The man nodded and poured another mug and John turned to Jesse who said to him,  
  
“You have stage presence, I’ll give you that.”   
  
John chuckled and took a sip of his beer, “Well you do too I am sure. I am just waiting for you to show it. So far as I can see, I am rocking you tonight. I want a real fight here. Show me what you got.”  
  
Jesse smiled at John, “Just you wait. I will. Honestly though, I am having a lot of fun here. I am glad you showed me this place yesterday. I mean, hanging out with you normally would have been cool, but there is something.. **freeing.**. about singing. I just can’t explain it.”  
  
John nodded. “You don’t need to. To be perfectly honest I am having a blast up there, and if a fan were to have recorded any of this, I don’t really think I would care. Anyways… It’s your turn Jesse. Get up there and show me what you’ve got.”  
  
Jesse then rose and headed towards the stage leaving John to stare after him with a grin. He wondered what song Jesse would choose, but most of all hoped that he could see the same enthusiasm he did the previous night. Jesse was fun when he showboated.  
  
Jesse flipped through the book trying to find something suitable to sing. He eventually found that they had Love Hurts by Incubus. and decided on that one. Though the worry was still in the back of his mind that John might see the trend to his song choices, he simply hoped that he would think it was just music and nothing more.  
  
As the guitar began to play, Jesse stepped up to the mic. His eyes instead of closed, this time were watching John. He began to wonder what John would think if he actually figured it out. What would he say? What would he do? As the drums kicked in, Jesse began to sing,   
  
“ _Tonight we drink to youth… and holding fast to truth.. Don’t wanna lose what I had as a boy. My heart still has a beat, but love is now a feat…as common as… a cold day in LA”  
_  
John smiled at that mention, considering the reason he was in England was to get away from the heat of LA. Jesse closed his eyes as he continued,  
  
 _“Sometimes when I’m alone I wonder… Is there a spell that I am under? Keeping me from seeing the real thing? Love hurts – But sometimes it’s a good hurt, and it feels like I’m alive. Love sings, when it transcends the bad things. Have a heart and try me….'cuz without love I won’t survive!”_  
  
John was memorized as he listened to Jesse sing. He was surprised how well the blonde could pull it off, and he seemed to really be putting his heart into this one. It was almost as if it was meant for someone. This got John wondering who Jesse could be singing about. He stared on with curiosity and intrigue as his American friend sang with his whole heart.  
  
 _“I’m fettered and abused, Stand naked and accused.. Should I surface, this one-man submarine?”_  
  
Jesse then opened his eyes and stared directly into Johns, _“I only want the truth! So tonight we drink to youth! I’ll never lose what I had as a boy–Sometimes when I’m alone I wonder 'Is there a spell that I am under?’ Keeping me from seeing the real thing?….Love Hurts! But sometimes it’s a good hurt and it feels like I’m alive. Love sings, when it transcends the bad things. Have a heart and try me… Cuz without love I wont survive”_  
  
John could almost swear this meant more then it seemed. As Jesse finished the song and returned to the chair, he was a little quiet. John wanted to ask him who he was singing for, but didn’t know if it was a personal thing or not.

_Perhaps the reason he came to the UK was to take his mind off of someone who friend-zoned him? He did seem serious in the car when I guessed that he came to see me specifically. I was only kidding at the time, but maybe he really did._

John thought to him self that who ever it was, she was a lucky girl, and probably didn’t even know how lucky she is to have someone like Jesse after her.   
  
John placed a hand on his friends shoulder, and Jesse turned to look at him, his face almost unreadable.   
  
“Let me buy you a beer. That was an amazing performance.. I really felt the heart. ” Jesse smiled a deep genuine smile and said, “Thanks. That one took a lot out of me. I could use a drink.”  
  
“Why don’t we take a break? I could use another helping of wings my self.” John motioned to the barkeeper who nodded and headed into the back to prepare the second order of wings.  
  
“That sounds like a good idea.” Jesse said as the barkeeper finished refilling his beer. He took a good long draw from it and then leaned back into the chair to listen to the other people who wandered up on to the stage to sing.  
  
John thought about asking who the song was for, but decided it wasn’t a good idea to bring up potential bad memories. When the barkeeper came back with his wings, he dug into them and watched the singers as they pitifully tried to live up to the standards Jesse and John had set for the night. Jesse eventually spoke up after a few moments of quiet thinking.  
  
“So any other songs on your set list for me to hear John?”  
  
“I have a few” he replied, and smiled at Jesse warmly. Jesse looked at him, but said nothing else. John’s attitude seemed to change after that song. He couldn’t quite make out what John was thinking. He didn’t seem angry or unnerved by the song, but he also wasn’t as confrontational in attitude towards Jesse now. Did he figure it out? Did he know the song was for him? John got up wordlessly and headed towards the stage for his turn.   
  
All throughout the rest of the night, the two of them watched each others performances, but the vibe between them changed. It was less about one upping the other, and more about telling a story. Each song either of them chose seemed to say something to one and other, and when the song ended, the listener dared not ask what it meant.  
  
The game had changed. It was no longer about who could sing best. It was about what the songs said. Eventually the 2am mark hit, and it was time for them to leave. John finished off his last song and headed to the chair and asked Jesse,   
  
“Well it’s getting to about that time. Shall we head back?”  
  
Jesse nodded and asked, “We continue this game tomorrow?” John only nodded, his look somewhere between a challenging smirk and a sympathetic smile. The two of them left the bar and John proceeded to drop him off at the hotel.  
  


As John drove back to his place, the songs Jesse sang that night nagged at him. He was definitely trying to tell him something, and he got most of the story.. but the question remained. _Who is it he longs to be with and why can’t he tell them?_   
  
_I’m sure I will find out soon enough._ He thought to him self, as he eventually made it home and opened the door to his house and let him self inside.  
  
***  
  
Jesse climbed on top of the bed and laid there staring at the ceiling. Could John see though his musical story? Did he know that these feelings were for him? And the biggest question of all. Did he want John to know? This little game of theirs became a lot more serious that night, and tomorrow he would have to think of songs to continue his story. He was also trying to figure out Johns side of the game. A lot of the songs told about his life. They talked about insecurity and loneliness. Wanting to find his place in the world. He wondered how John would continue. He guessed he would find out tomorrow.   
  
At that he closed his eyes and let sleep claim him.  
  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57qpcNnQaNQ - Love Hurts - Incubus  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKAiZpFClcc - Awaken - Disturbed  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9JNlBcWD84 - Always - Erasure –>   
> If you want to actually hear Jesse sing a bit of it —-> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-icDVWkBi9g  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWoh-BekPCY - Rooftops - Lost Prophets


	3. 3

Over the week, time seemed to develop into a routine for the two friends. John would wake up, do some video editing, post up the videos he needed to have posted, and make sure everything was going as it should. He hadn’t had time to play anything new though, because he had been spending that time with his best friend instead.   
  
All throughout the days, Jesse’s voice had echoed in the back of his mind. Each song the blonde would sing had a theme. A lot of them spoke of unrequited love, or a secret crush. Longing to tell that person yet not being able to. John couldn’t tell if Jesse was hurting and was trying to get away by visiting, or if he was just letting out a pain he had in his heart that he had been harboring for a long time.   
  
In any case, John got the message loud and clear… But to ask Jesse who she was? What happened between them, if anything did? Is that the reason he came to the UK for the holidays? To ask… Well that would be going too far. John understood music. Sometimes when you hurt, the best way to let it out was to sing. Jesse even said something about singing was very freeing. This competition of theirs was no longer a competition it seemed, and John didn’t know what his roll in all this was anymore. Because of this, he decided if Jesse was going to tell stories through music, then so would he.   
  
The next night, he chose songs that spoke about experiences in his life. John chose songs about lost love… About not being able to fit in. Listening to Jesse sing with his whole heart only made John want to sing with his, and their nightly outings quickly became the favorite part of Johns day.  
  
For Jesse, the week was a double edged sword. His daily routine was that he would get up, edit some of his prerecorded content, check his mail and then pop on Tumblr to finish the stories he was following as well as answer some of the questions on his page. Each night at 7pm, John would call him and they would meet up. They hit up the pub, eat some wings, drink some beer and he would sing his heart out.  
  
It was a double edged sword though, because the more he sang to John, the more he longed to be able to just spell it out for him. He knew he could never tell. John was strait– as far as he knew anyways– and if he ever found out, he might stop talking to Jesse. It would make things weird. He knew this. That is why he could never tell John how he felt. But the more he sang, the more he longed to tell. The two of them were so swept up in their ‘game’ that they didn’t even realize the week was almost over. He and John still hadn’t discussed how they were going to do the podcast that week, and Christmas was in just two short days.  
  
The time was 6:30pm and Jesse was finishing up the last of the fanfiction he was following, when he got a call on Skype from John, about precisely that.  
  
“Hey Jesse, I know the call is a bit early. Did I disturbed your work?”  
  
Jesse shook his head, a light smile and faint blush on his cheeks, residual from the story he had been reading only moments prior.  
  
“Naw, you didn’t disturb me from anything important. I was, uh, just reading some things. What’s up?”  
  
John wasn’t sure if it was the lighting in the hotel but Jesse looked like he had a sun burn on his face or something. He was thinking about asking Jesse to visit his place for the podcast, but if the lighting in the Hotel looked like that, then it was probably a good idea that he did.  
  
“I actually was calling about the Podcast this week. We need to figure out how we’re gonna do this… Besides– I think you have strange lighting in the hotel room. You’re face is all red.”  
  
As John finished his sentence, Jesse’s blush only deepened in realization that he was blushing, and replied,  
  
“Uh, yeah. The light in this room is.. um.. Kinda bad.”  
  
“I was calling to suggest we do the podcast together at my place anyway.. I think that’s a good idea, wouldn’t you agree? ”  
  
Jesse, grateful that he could blame his blush on the rooms lighting, nodded at TB.  
  
“So when are we doing the podcast anyways? Tomorrow’s Christmas eve, so if you had plans we could skip out on tonight’s sing-song and I could come over instead.”  
  
John thought about that. He really didn’t want to skip out on their nightly get together. It was the best part of his day, and for work to have to overshadow that really annoyed him. After a moment of consideration, John replied.  
  
“Well, to be honest, I had a few songs I really wanted to preform tonight…If you must know.. I have to admit that our nightly outings and musical challenge has become the the highlight of my day…”  
  
John paused a moment before continuing. Besides the fact that John had no plans for Christmas, Jesse’s voice had been haunting him the whole week and he wanted so badly to ask who Jesse was singing for, and every night he felt he was coming closer to figuring out that mystery. With the holiday fast approaching, John was considering asking if Jesse wanted to stay at his place for Christmas, but he wasn’t sure if Jesse had other plans that day. since they agreed to do the podcast at his place, he decided now was as good a time as any to ask.  
  
“How about instead, after we get back tonight, you come back to my place and we do the podcast on Christmas eve together…” John trailed off a little and added, “I mean I can cancel it for the week if you have plans or something, but..well, I actually don’t have anything to do over the holiday, and I kind of wouldn’t mind the company…”  
  
Jesse’s heart almost leaped into his throat. He figured John would rather spend Christmas with his family, so being invited to spend it with him instead had been a surprise. He was also happy John enjoyed their song game. It was an outlet for Jesse to profess his feelings as well as spend time with his best friend, so to hear that John looked forward to it as much as he did made him very happy.  
  
“I would love to spend Christmas with you. That sounds like a good plan actually.. and.. I.. Well I am glad you look forward to our little song game as much as I do.”   
  
John’s expression was hard to read as Jesse said that. There was a brief pause.  
  
“It’s not really a game anymore though, is it?”   
  
Jesse was quiet. He didn’t really know how to respond to that question. Thoughts began to fill the blondes mind, a mix of worry and hope that John had figured it out.   
  
He continued, “It’s sort of become something that we just do. But.. That’s ok because I like to sing.. And this whole challenge thing reminded me of that. But I have noticed a trend in the songs that you choose to sing.. You sing them with your whole heart… Like there is a story behind them.. like you want to say something but can’t….”  
  
John wasn’t sure how to approach the question, and paused to collect his thoughts before continuing. Jesse, hanging on to every word, unsure of how to respond simply replied,   
  
“There has been a story to your songs too.. But that is the beauty of music, right? It can say the things words can’t express well enough..”  
  
John smiled. That was true. Music allowed one to speak without sentence. Sometimes a few notes in a song could say more than a million words could even hope to portray.  
  
“Indeed, my songs have been chosen with meaning. I noticed the trend when you started to sing with your soul… Around the second night that we returned to the pub. The music was a medium for something much deeper… I wont ask you what, but I will say this: If there is anyone you need to talk to… If you ever need someone to turn to.. I’m here for you Jesse. You’re my best friend. Don’t ever be afraid to tell me anything.”  
  
Jesse hesitated. Did he figure it out? Was he saying it was ok to tell him how he felt? Jesse opened his mouth but wasn’t sure whether to tell him or not. He closed it again and just nodded at John.   
  
John watched Jesse, as conflicted emotions run across the blonde’s face. He definitely wanted to say something. John wouldn’t push though. If Jesse wanted to tell him, he now knew he could. The rest would be up to him to tell or not.   
  
After the pause of silence, Jesse finally spoke up.  
  
“Thank you John. I am glad I have such a good friend. But I think I want to let the music do the talking for me….”   
  
Jesse’s face then changed from his earlier conflicted and almost worried look, to a confident smirk at John. His voice had a look of challenge to him again as he continued, “That’s what the game is about right? ”  
  
John smirked back with a chuckle and replied, “That it is… And my story isn’t finished either. So what do you say we go rock the stage tonight, yeah?”  
  
“Sounds like a fine idea to me.”  
  
As the Skype call ended, the smallest of smiles played at the corners of Jesse’s lips. He was treading on the idea of telling John the truth. The worries still plagued him that the Brit would judge him for his feelings, but he knew it was inevitable that his heart would eventually reach John. It was only a matter of time.   
  
As Jesse rose to his feet, he reached for one of his dress shirts, and proceeded to change into something a little nicer. Over the week, he had taken to dressing up for the night. Partially because he felt that if he was preforming on stage, he should look suitable… but mostly because of the 'date’ comments from John.  
  
Once he was ready, he headed downstairs to the lobby to wait for for his friend.  
  
As John was driving to the hotel to pick up Jesse, their earlier conversation played in his mind. The past week had been something special for him, and he couldn’t quite place why. He missed singing. He really did. The last 6 days had been the most fun he had experienced in a long while, and it was all thanks to Jesse that he was able to reconnect with that part of him self again.  
  
It still nagged at him though. Jesse was obviously trying to tell him something with these songs, but he wouldn’t come out and tell him in person. But then, of course he wouldn’t…That would ruin the game! But he made his point clear: If Jesse ever needed anyone to go to or talk to, John was willing to be the first in line to listen; They were best friends– Of course he would be.  
  
The songs he chose to sing that night were supposed to tell Jesse that he was there for him. He didn’t know what Jesse was feeling or going through, but he wanted him to know that he was there. He wanted him to know that he cared.   
  
The car pulled up to the hotel, and Jesse was standing in his usual place. He walked up to the car and got in beside John. Jesse had a smile on his face that was hard to read. John returned the smile as they drove the the pub in silence. When they reached their destination, they got out and walked up the slippery steps and through the door. Their food was already waiting for them at their usual table and the bar keeper came up to them with a greeting.  
  
“Welcome back guys! I had to tell some patrons these seats were reserved, you know. The bar is getting busier now that you two have started coming. My boss sends his regards for all the extra business. You two have certainly made a name for your selfs.”  
  
Jesse sat down and immediately dug into his wings. John sat down next to him and commented,   
  
“We aren’t all that impressive but I am flattered so many people think so.”  
  
The barkeep just chuckled while walking away saying, “The numbers don’t lie man, the numbers don’t lie.”  
  
John smiled at Jesse and took a sip of his beer. They were a little later arriving this evening so it wasn’t long before 8:00pm hit. The DJ announced over the speaker and John looked at Jesse and asked,   
  
“So you first, or me?”  
  
Jesse just smiled a confident smile and said,   
  
“I’ll take round one. I been kind of itching to sing this one since yesterday evening.”  
  
Jesse walked up to the book to look for his song. He flipped to “D” and found what he was looking for. John would like that, since he liked Metal. He then walked to the DJ and told him “The Night by Disturbed” The DJ nodded to Jesse as he then took the stage.  
  
He walked up to the mic and the music began to play. Jesse closed his eyes as the guitar riffs washed over him and he felt his heart start to beat faster as he started to sing.  
  
 _“What has come over me? What madness taken hold of my heart–To run away– the only answer! Pulling me away–To fall into the sight._  
  
 _The source of my recovery..Sweet shadow taking hold of the light–Another day has been devoured. Calling me away, leaving a question "why?”_  
  
Jesse opened his eyes and he looked over at John, who was watching him intently, curiosity about the lyrics evident on his face though still a smile was present. As Jesse’s words echoed throughout the pub, everyone was silent listening to him sing.   
  
_“For saving me from all they’ve taken..Letting my armor fall again.. Give me the strength to face them..Feeling it taking over now, I’m about to take it all away! There can be no better way of knowing, in a world beyond controlling. ”_  
  
Jesse was now staring directly at John as he sang, a smile on his face, enjoying the feel of the music filling the room.  
  
 _“Are you going to deny the savior in front of your eyes? Stare into the night! Power beyond containing. Are you going to remain a slave for the rest of your life? Give into the night!”_  
  
John watched him with intrigue as the words of the song repeated them selves in his head. He knew the song, but he had never actually thought about the meaning behind the lyrics to this one before. He listened on, unsure of what the song was trying to say–of what Jesse was trying to tell him. This one had a different flavor than previous songs he had been singing.   
  
As the next part came up, Jesse’s eyes left Johns. They darted to the ceiling as if he was thinking this more to him self than anyone in the room as he sang,  
  
 _“This self discovery…Redemption taking hold of my mind. A serenade of haunting voices, calling me away to feast upon the night!” J_ esse closed his eyes, _“The source of my felicity.. Dark maiden taking hold of my hand. Lead me away from hibernation! Strong and unafraid! Never a question why!”_  
  
John smiled at the confidence Jesse seemed to have in his voice this evening.   
  
_For saving me from all they’ve taken.. Letting my armor fall again.. Give me the strength to face them! Feeling it taking over now!_  
  
As the song drew to a close Jesse bowed and the crowd in the bar cheered and clapped at the strong performance. He walked back to his chair next to John, who smiled at Jesse, simply saying to him,  
  
“That was a good opener I think. The words were kind of cryptic. Had a more confident vibe.”  
  
Jesse smiled back and replied, “Well I am feeling a lot more confident tonight. Could you tell?”  
  
“It showed. Anyways, my turn.” John waved at Jesse before walking up to the book. He knew what he wanted to sing and had been planning on this one since earlier the previous day. He walked to the mic after telling the DJ “Drive by Incubus.” and before the music started looked directly at Jesse who was watching with full attention.  
  
He had been considering making a verbal dedication, and came to the decision that he would. He pulled the mic to his lips looking at Jesse intently and simply spoke as the guitar started to play,  
  
“This one’s going out to a very close friend of mine. Listen well to the words.. Because I mean it….”  
  
Jesse’s expression softened at the humble gift of the song for him. John then closed his eyes as he started to sing,  
  
“ _Sometimes…. I feel the fear of…. uncertainty stinging clear…_  
 _And I… cant help but ask myself how much I’ll let the fear take the wheel and steer…._  
 _It’s driven me before, it seems to have a vague.._  
 _Haunting mass appeal. Lately I’m… beginning to find that I……. should be the one behind the wheel!”_  
  
John opened his eyes and looked directly at Jesse, a soft smile on his lips. The words spoken were as true as he made them earlier, and was reaffirming everything he spoke about in their earlier conversation. John sang on,   
  
“ _Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there, With open arms and open eyes yeah! Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there…. I’ll be there..”_  
  
Jesse smiled back at John, the meaning being heard loud and clear. John cared about him. He could see that very clearly with every note he sang and every smile he gave. Jesse was actually really grateful to have a friend as close as him.   
  
_Oh John… if only you knew! If only I could tell you how I feel! But if I did, would you really still be there? Open arms and open eyes like the song says John?_ Jesse began to tear up as John continued the song. As John was watching Jesse, he noticed this. He didn’t understand why Jesse seemed sad all of a sudden. He sang on anyways hoping the meaning of his words came through,  
  
 _“So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive..Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive? Ohh ah ah.._  
  
 _It’s driven me before, and it seems to be the way..that everyone else get around. Lately, I’m beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found! Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there! With open arms and open eyes yeah! Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there. I’ll be there!”_  
  
Jesse was smiling but a tear rolled down his cheek. John couldn’t tell if Jesse was sad or happy and he had growing concern for his friend. He didn’t mean to make him cry. When the song ended, he slowly approached the table and sat down. Jesse had wiped the tears away, but John couldn’t ignore them.  
  
“Are you ok? I.. I didn’t strike a nerve did I? I’m sorry if I made you cry.. I just wanted you to know I am here for you no matter what. ”  
  
Jesse smiled back at him. He got that message loud and clear. His feelings were conflicting with him really hard tonight, he wasn’t sure if he could take his turn at the moment. John continued,   
  
“Obviously you’re going through something big, and you for whatever reason can’t find the words to tell me. I wont pry.. it’s your business not mine. But.. I wanted you to know I meant what I said earlier. If you ever need a shoulder, I’m here.”  
  
Jesse pulled John into a very close hug. He didn’t really know what else to do. His emotions were overwhelming him, and he was so conflicted about what he should do. Should he tell him and risk the friendship? Or should he stay quiet and continue to bury this secret so that no one ever finds out, and keep the friendship as safe and sound where it was?   
  
“I know you are.. And that means more to me then you know John. I… I just have a few things I need to work out right now. I wish I could tell you. I really truly do.. But.. I can’t right now. But I want you to know that it means a lot. Thank you.”  
  
John put his arms around Jesse, returning the hug. He was worried about his friend and figured maybe it would be best if they left early that night. Tomorrow was the podcast as well as Christmas eve anyways.  
  
“Maybe we should turn in. I know it’s early and we have only been here a couple hours, but tomorrow is a busy day anyways. It’s up to you.”  
  
Jesse thought about it. Leaving was probably a good idea.. They had the podcast to do tomorrow anyways and it wouldn’t do for Jesse to wear his voice dry by singing all night. He did, however, want to take his turn before they left. He had the perfect song in mind too.  
  
“We can go, but not before I get one last shot at the mic. I have the perfect song for you.. as well as everyone else here that is looking forward to our little performances.”  
  
“Oh?” John said, eyebrow raised.  
  
Jesse just smiled and wandered up to the mic. “This is going to be our last song of the night guys.. sorry to disappoint if you all came to see us sing. Tomorrow being Christmas eve and all, I am sure you understand. I felt I should choose something fitting though.”  
  
The crowd clapped for Jesse and he chose his last song: Semisonic - Closing Time.  
  
As the piano started to play, Jesse held the mic close and started to sing with a smile on his face,  
  
 _“Closing time! Open all the doors and let you out into the world. Closing time! Turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl. Closing time! One last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer. Closing time! You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.”_  
  
John chuckled to him self at the song. It was a good song to choose. He, along with the rest of the crowd, started clapping in time to the beat of the song. As the next part came, Jesse stepped down off the stage, mic still in hand, winking a John as he paced around the pub with a skip in his step.  
  
 _“I know who I want to take me home! I know who I want to take me home…I know who I want to take me home!  
Take me home!”_  
  
John smiled at Jesse as the blonde was looking directly at him. There was a playful glint in Jesse’s eye as he sang, and he figured that this was for more than the crowd. John didn’t mind though. Over the course of the week, he was sure that everyone thought the two of them were a couple. At first he was a little worried about it, but the more he played around with the idea in his mind, the less he cared about what other people thought. Jesse was his best friend, and someone he cared a whole lot about. It shouldn’t matter what others thought about the two of them. The only person who’s opinion should matter is Jesse’s and his own.  
  
Jesse sang the song with a smile on his face and a glint in his eye. He was happy again, and that made John happy. He continued,  
  
 _“So gather up your jackets, move it to the exits, I hope you have found a friend!”_ Jesse winked at John, _“Closing time…. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end! Yeah! I know who I want to take me home!”_  
  
John was singing with him at this point, as he stood up to get ready to leave. Jesse finished off the song with the crowd clapping and singing along. They cheered as the two of them left the bar, waving at the patrons as they headed back to John’s car.  
  
In the wake of the cold, Jesse turned to John with a warm smile, “Thank you for the fun night. I’m sorry if I killed your mood.”  
  
“Not at all. We have things to do tomorrow anyways, yeah? I had fun. As much as it’s hard for me to admit, I love watching you sing almost as much as I enjoy singing my self. We’ll have fun next time.”  
  
Jesse nodded as John smiled at his friend. They then climbed into the car, and John started the ignition and pulled out of the lot. The ride to back to John’s place was a comfortable silence, as they each thought to them selves quietly.  
  
John was starting to realize how attached he was becoming to his American friend. They had only spent a week together so far, but not only had it been the most fun he’d had in months, but through music he felt he connected with Jesse on a level he hadn’t connected with anyone else. He then began to contemplate how music was funny that way.  
  
Jesse on the other hand, was sitting there wondering to him self if he should confess his feelings or not. John obviously cared about him or else he wouldn’t have made a point of singing it for everyone to see. He felt that over the week, he had gotten to know John even better then he had known him before— and that only farther fueled his attraction to his best friend. Now he would be spending a night in his house, after bearing his soul so openly in song to him. But still John hadn’t figured it all out. He knew John understood some of it, but he didn’t get the whole picture yet. Should he confess? Should he spell it out for him? How would he react?  
  
They eventually made it back to John’s place. Jesse climbed out of the car shortly after John and followed him inside.  
  
“You have a nice place” He commented. John just smiled,  
  
“Thanks. It’s not much but it’s home. Let me show you the computer room. That is where we will be doing the podcast. ”   
  
He then showed Jesse his place. The computer room was next to his bed room and the guest room was down the hall. The Kitchen was off to the left of that and the guest bathroom was across from both the computer room and master suite. John offered to set the guest room up for Jesse and told him to make him self at home. Jesse then went into the kitchen and got two wine glasses out for the two of them.  
  
When John returned, he saw that Jesse had prepared the wine he gifted to him at the beginning of the week. Jesse had a humble look on his face, and he meekly offered,   
  
“..Drinking wine is no fun on your own. I figured I would bring it so we could share.”  
  
John sat down at the table next to him and gladly took the glass offered to him, holding it up in a toast.  
  
“To music?”  
  
Jesse raised his glass in kind. “To music.”  
  
They both took a sip of the wine, and Jesse noted that it tasted a LOT better than the stuff they had at the podcast some time ago. Staring into the glass, a small smile tugged at the side of Jesse’s lips as he sipped away at his present from John.  
  
“It’s been a fun week” John said. Jesse looked up at him and nodded.  
  
“It really has. Thanks for letting me stay over tonight by the way. I.. I don’t really get to spend time with people too often, so this week had been loads of fun for me. I kind of get lonely sometimes. I thought it might be nice to get away for the holidays, and you have made this trip the highlight of my year.”  
  
John smiled at Jesse. The feeling was actually quite mutual. This week allowed him to reconnect with a part of him self he had long since forgot he enjoyed. Jesse’s bubbly nature and goofy personality tied in with that led to a fun time with his best friend. He still wondered what it was that was plaguing Jesse so much though, but he wouldn’t dare butt into his friends private life like that. He was just enjoying the happy moments they spent. If Jesse wanted to share, he would be there to listen.  
  
“Honestly, this has been the best week I have had in a long time. I’m kind of not looking forward to when you have to return to the states.” He said. Jesse looked back at him with an unreadable expression. He then smiled at John and nodded.  
  
“I kind of don’t want to go back. But.. I got two more weeks at least. That’s something.”  
  
“It is. Well we should get headed to bed. Got a big day ahead of us.” John said to him after finishing off the glass. Jesse polished off his own and followed John down the hall. Stopping at the guest room, Jesse turned one final time to look at John who was standing in his door way looking at Jesse.  
  
“Good night.” He said with a small smile.  
  
“Goodnight.” John replied to him returning it a little larger.  
  
Then the two of them went into their rooms and shut the door. Jesse wandered to the bed and laid down on it, staring at the ceiling, thinking about the events of the past week. As thoughts floated through his mind, he decided.   
  
Tomorrow would be the day.   
  
If there was any time to say it, the time would be now. Boy did he need a Christmas Miracle.  
  
***********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xzDm5v7lXI - Closing Time  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slRNXrn_5vE - Drive  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyctTU_0FiM - The Night


	4. 4

John closed the door behind him and pulled off his shirt, then laid it on the dresser by his bed. As he sat down on the bed, he paused before laying down, Jesse’s voice running through his mind. The image of Jesse crying earlier that night just wouldn’t leave his head, and the more he thought about it, the more he just wanted to make it better– whatever it was that was wrong.  
  
John finally laid down and stretched out on the bed. He glanced at the wall to his left, knowing that his friend was only a couple walls behind it, probably dreaming of whoever it was that he longed to be with.  
  
Music is a powerful medium. John had known this for a very long time, and it seemed to be stirring feelings in him for Jesse that he couldn’t quite explain. It was like he had finally gotten to see a side of Jesse he never knew existed. One that was very private. One that the blonde had never shown to anyone else.   
  
That fact was also mixed with the fact that John him self had opened up in ways he never had with anyone else. And yet the two of them never uttered a word about it to each other. As Jesse put it, ‘Letting the the music do the talking’.   
  
As he laid there, John continued to wonder who the girl was that Jesse was so taken with, and wondering why he couldn’t just tell her. John wondered if he _did_ tell her and she told him she wasn’t interested, or that she didn’t want to ruin the friendship. He began to think to him self about how if it was the ladder, she would have been foolish not to accept Jesse.   
  
He had a lot of wonderful traits; He was kind. He was funny - Outright ridiculous a lot of the time. He could be annoying sometimes, sure, but his heart was always in the right place. He was always there for you when you needed him. Jesse wasn’t a bad looking chap either. He looked good in red and black– John liked the way it made his eyes pop, and thought it went well with is sandy colored hair. He also had a really great voice..  
  
As his train of thought continued, it dawned on him: _John had started to develop feelings for Jesse._  
  
Upon this new revelation, he started to wonder when it happened. Was it when Jesse started to pour his heart out in song? He began to second guess this conclusion, thinking maybe it was just concern for his best friend, and he was mistaking these feelings for something more. Along with that, he began to question his own sexuality. John had not been bothered by the fact that basically everyone in the pub had assumed that Jesse and he were an item. Was this because he felt that way about Jesse and just didn’t realize?  
  
John’s mind began to race as he wondered what all these feelings were. In spite of this though, fatigue eventually set in, and John decided to close his eyes and let sleep claim him. Whatever feelings he thought he might have, he would deal with them in the morning.  
  
***  
  
Light poured through the window of the guest bedroom waking Jesse from his sleep. As he opened his eyes, he had a brief moment wondering where he was before he remembered that he had stayed the night at Johns.  
  
Jesse glanced at the clock on the nightstand to find that it was 11am. Unaware if his friend had gotten up yet, Jesse laid in bed thinking to him self. Today would be the day he told John the truth. He couldn’t keep it from him any longer.. it was killing him. Jesse decided to wait until after the podcast though, so that things wouldn’t be awkward while they were on the air– and besides.. he wasn’t exactly sure how to go about the whole thing yet. He had only hoped that the song John sang to him yesterday was true. _“Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there with open arms and open eyes.”_  
  
Eventually he heard a door open, followed by some shuffling around and then another door close, and Jesse figured John was awake. Opening the door to the guest room, he walked into the hallway to see John –in no shirt– two feet in front of him heading towards the guest bathroom.   
  
Startled, the two of them just stood there looking at one and other for a moment, wordlessly. After a pause, John smiled at Jesse, greeting him.  
  
“Good morning. Did you sleep well?”  
  
John’s expression was oddly unreadable. Jesse wasn’t sure if it was because he was still tired, or if he had a bad dream. He also took note of the fact that John was shirtless. Turning his head with a light blush, he just smiled back,  
  
“Good morning John. I did actually– Your bed is really comfortable. How about you? Did you sleep ok?”  
  
John looked at Jesse. His dreams were riddled last night with thoughts of his American friend, and the revelation he came to shortly before falling asleep. He was too distracted by his thoughts to notice the light blush on the blonde’s cheeks. He smiled and responded,  
  
“I slept alright for the most part. Had a lot on my mind.”  
  
“Bad dreams?”  
  
“Not bad. Just a lot to think about. We have a lot to do today. Dodger should be expecting a Skype call in a few hours. I was just about to hop in the shower – I tend to use the guest bathroom out of habit, as it is closer to the computer room. Did you want to go first? Also, what did you want to get for breakfast? It’s kind of late but..”  
  
Jesse shook his head, and stepped aside for John to pass through. The thought briefly crossed his mind that John was trying to avoid something, but he figured he could have been mistaken, so he just answered,  
  
“Naw, you can go first. As for breakfast, anything will do, really. I’m not that picky.”  
  
“Eggs and Bacon then?” John said as he walked into the bathroom leaving Jesse in the hall. He pulled the door almost shut, leaving it cracked slightly.  
  
“Sounds good to me.” Jesse replied, “Do you mind if I mess around on your computer for a bit while I wait for you to finish up?”  
  
John’s voice echoed from behind the door, “Go for it. If you like, you can check out some of my games on steam. I just got a few new ones.”  
  
“Thanks.” Jesse replied, then wandered into the computer room and plopped him self down on the chair.  
  
In the bathroom, John removed his pants and readied a towel for when he got out. His mind was foggy and filled with so many questions about Jesse and about him self. He wasn’t sure how to deal with it.   
  
As he turned on the water and stepped into the stream, he thought to him self. It was already made up in his mind that he wouldn’t confess to Jesse about these.. ideas.. he was having about his own feelings. Jesse was currently smitten with someone else and obviously didn’t need that kind of pressure on him.   
  
Besides, it would be awkward if his best friend knew that he had started to feel such things. No, he would need to keep a lid on these thoughts, at least until it was time for Jesse to leave and he had the space to work out what all this meant. Except, he didn’t really want him to leave. So what was he to do?  
  
Meanwhile in the computer room, Jesse was browsing facebook idly. He had posted on his page about how much fun he was having in England, and read a few of the comments added to his page. He was tempted to head to Tumblr to finish the story he was almost done reading yesterday, but if John saw that in his history, he would probably be pissed. That train of thought brought him back to earlier… He was going to confess to John today about it. But the real question was, _how._  
  
The podcast would be in an hour or so, and the two of them would have to talk about what they did for the week. No doubt, John would probably bring up the singing, and Jesse wouldn’t have any new games to discuss considering he wasn’t at his place but he would have a lot to talk about from the trip. That part of the day would be easy. But after the podcast, he would need to think of the right moment. The right time to do it.   
  
Jesse’s mind went back to the wine John got him, and he had an idea. Maybe if he could get John a little drunk, he would be more accepting of the confession. They could go back to the bar for a Christmas drink, and Jesse could tell him then. Yeah! That would work!  
  
Jesse booted up steam, a large smile on his face. He had a plan now, and he hoped everything would work out. _“Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there, with open arms and open eyes.”_  
  
It had to.  
  
***  
  
A while after John and Jesse both finished their showers, they sat at the table eating a late breakfast. Jesse was in a very bubbly mood that morning, which eased the tension John seemed to have had earlier. He had tried to put it out of his mind while Jesse was there. He still wasn’t sure how to deal with these feelings, but he sure as hell couldn’t have Jesse know they were there.  
  
“So..” Jesse said between bites, “I was thinking… What did you want to do for Christmas? Did you happen to have plans for tonight or tomorrow?”  
  
John took another bite of his bacon and swallowed.   
  
“Not really, no. Why, did you want to do something?”  
  
Jesse took a silent breath and continued,   
  
“Well actually.. I was thinking we could hit up the bar again for a Christmas drink. I know it seems to be all we do, but… There are some things I need to get off my chest.”  
  
John’s mind began to wander for a moment, wondering to him self quietly. Maybe tonight he would be able to learn who it was exactly that was plaguing Jesse so. At that point he felt a twinge of jealousy. She obviously didn’t deserve Jesse if she couldn’t see what a great person he was. At that point, an idea came to him. _“Let the music do the talking..”_ John decided then that he did want to go back to the pub. He had a couple songs he decided he wanted to sing.   
  
Maybe if Jesse was perceptive, he would understand.  
  
“Yeah we can go back to the pub tonight if you want. I think I know a couple songs I want to sing for the occasion.”  
  
Jesse smiled, “Good. Maybe you can finish the story you started a week ago.. I am curious to see how it ends.”  
  
“You’ll see.”  
  
As John glanced at the time, he realized they had to call Dodger. It was almost 2, and considering the Podcast was canceled the week prior, they couldn’t afford to be late with it. He motioned for Jesse to follow him, and picked up the chair and dragged it into the room and set it down beside his, right in front of the web cam.  
  
The two of them set down in the chairs and John opened Skype and proceeded to get the podcast started.  
  
As Dodger answered the call, she was surprised to find Jesse sitting next to TB, shoving a final piece of bacon into his mouth.  
  
“whaffs uff, Dodgerff?” Jesse said to her mid bite. Surprised, Dodger laughed and replied,  
  
“Jesse? Hey. So you decided to visit John for the holidays I take it?”  
  
Swallowing, he nodded and replied, “Yeah, I kinda wanted to see snow this Christmas. By the way, Merry Christmas to you.”  
  
John chimed in as well, “Yeah, Merry Christmas. I hope your holiday is going well.”  
  
Dodger smiled, “Thank you. Same to you both.”  
  
John then hit the record button and started the stream. As the podcast went on, they talked about what their upcoming Christmas plans were and about how Jesse wasn’t used to the cold. John mentioned the time Jesse had slipped on the black-ice that was just outside of where the car was parked, on one of the days they went to the pub, and how he squealed 'Like a girl’ before hitting the ground. They talked about the karaoke, and John brought up his revenge for Santa Baby, which turned into a nightly concert of sorts for the two of them. Dodger talked about her past week and what she did during the time that the podcast was postponed for, as well as how she was looking forward to eating turkey the next day.  
  
Eventually, the podcast was over and John closed the Skype call. It was getting close to 6pm, so he turned to his blonde friend and asked,   
  
“So did you want to head to the pub early, or should we maybe go grab some dinner? Most of the stores will be closed tonight, but I am sure there are a few nice restaurants we could go to and get a proper Christmas dinner.  
  
Jesse considered this and smiled at John.   
  
"Food sounds great actually. Feel free to lead the way, TB. You’re the one who lives here; you know the area better than I do.”  
  
John chuckled and nodded.   
  
“Alright then. Get your jacket.  
  
****  
  
The ride to the restaurant was surprisingly filled with chatter. Jesse was still laughing at Dodgers reaction to hearing that he sang All I Want for Christmas by Mariah Carey, and that the two of them had turned this into a nightly thing. John chuckled along with Jesse, commenting that he should have really brought a camera to record it, and even suggested that he and Jesse do a mash up of his Santa Baby and Jesse’s number, and that they should post it up on youtube for the whole Internet to see, at which Jesse just giggled even more.  
  
Before they knew, it they were already at a nice steakhouse, and John and Jesse went inside. The doorman greeted them and asked if it was a table for 2, and quickly showed them to a nice booth.   
  
"Your waiter will be with you shortly. I hope you are having a happy Christmas.”   
  
John smiled at him and replied,   
  
“Thank you.” And then turned to Jesse as he walked off, “So, I think I am going to have the prime rib. How about you? –And before you worry about cost, this meal is on me. It’s Christmas after all, and I did suggest we eat here.”  
  
Jesse smiled a warm genuine smile at John.  
  
“Thank you very much.. You have made this Christmas one that I will remember for a long time. I guess I will have whatever you are having. I am just happy to be spending Christmas with my best friend.”  
  
Soon the waiter came by. John had ordered for them a bottle of white zinfandel and two orders of their best prime rib. The waiter nodded and left them to their conversation.  
  
John was considering asking what it was Jesse 'had to get off his chest’, but figured it might be better to wait until they got to the pub. He also wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear about the woman of Jesse’s dreams, if that was what it was he was going to talk about. He had only recently come to the realization that he had fallen for his best friend, and although he accepted the fact that it would probably never be, he wasn’t ready to let go of these newly discovered feelings yet. Besides.. he still had a song to sing.  
  
Jesse was the first one to speak up.  
  
“Are you looking forward to tonight? We should probably sing some Christmas tunes, considering _it is_ the 24th. Gotta give the crowd something to get them in the spirit.”  
  
John snapped out of his thoughts and smiled at Jesse.  
  
“Yeah, I am actually. I guess we should sing some Christmas songs.. However the ones I want to sing don’t really fall into that theme.”  
  
Jesse nodded, “Thats ok. Not all of mine will be either. Umm..”  
  
John heard the pause in Jesse’s tone. He really looked like he wanted to say something. As Jesse opened his mouth to say something, the waiter came back with their wine and food, interrupting Jesse from his thoughts.  
  
“Oh, thank you miss.” The two of them said to her.   
  
John turned back to Jesse, but he had already dug into his food and looked like he decided against continuing the subject. John internally sighed and started to eat his dinner. The prime rib was good.  
  
Jesse took a sip of the wine and commented,   
  
“Wow.. This stuff is really good. Nice choice John.”  
  
John smiled back at Jesse, “Thanks. I felt it would go well with the steak.”  
  
The rest of the meal was eaten in silence, up until the waiter returned with the bill. As John paid it off, Jesse turned to him with the most sincere look on his face and said to him,   
  
“Thank you. The meal was lovely.” John smiled back at him just as warmly and replied, “It was no problem. Now what do you say we go rock the stage, hmm?”  
  
Jesse nodded and followed him out to the car.  
  
***  
  
By the time they got to the pub, sure enough there was a bunch of people who were waiting to see if Jesse and John would show up. When they did, the two of them walked in to a rounding applause, and Jesse couldn’t help but blush a little when he actually thought about how many people had been listening to him pour his heart out on stage.  
  
John just bowed lightly and headed towards their usual table. It was well past 8pm and the last person at the mic had just finished their song. Everyone was expecting one of them to go up there and sing. John turned to Jesse with a somewhat nervous look on his face.  
  
“So.. are you going up first, or shall I?”  
  
Jesse also looked a little nervous and replied, “Well we could have a few drinks first to lighten up maybe.. LIke I had said earlier today… I kind of have some things I need to get off my chest, but… Umm.. I am not ready to take the mic yet. Why don’t you go first? Sing me a story.”  
  
John nodded at Jesse, and wandered to the book. Flipping through the pages, he was looking for a good song to start with. Jesse wanted a story, hmm. He then saw “If I could be like that” By 3 Doors Down. That song was perfect actually. Upon selecting the song, he walked up to the mic.  
  
 _I’m gonna need to change the lyrics a little in the second verse though to fit me a little better, but this actually describes Jesse’s and my situation pretty well right now._  
  
As the guitar started to play John looked over at Jesse, who had an expression on his face John couldn’t quite read. He was watching John really closely, and John looked back at him with a smile and started to sing.  
  
 _“He spends his nights in California, watching the stars on the big screen… Then he lies awake and he wonders, 'Why can’t that be me?’”_  
  
Jesse smiled, knowing that John was probably singing about him. John smiled back with a warm look in his eyes and continued,   
  
_“Cause in his life he is filled with all these good intentions.. He’s left a lot of things he’d rather not mention right now.”_ Jesse chuckled at that comment thinking 'oh John you have no idea.’.  
  
 _“But just before he says goodnight..He looks up with a little smile at me, and he says, 'If I could be like that, I would give anything just to live one day, in those shoes. If I could be like that, what would I do? What would I do?”_  
  
Jesse listened to John sing, enjoying the sound of his voice as well as trying to ignore the fear of his own impending confession. He had to do it. It’s why he suggested they come out tonight. But John wasn’t drinking too much, so he wasn’t sure if he should say anything yet. After thinking about it, Jesse then came to a decision. He would choose the perfect song to tell John. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he shouldn’t be ashamed for how he felt. John would understand. Sure it may make things weird, but he was Jesse’s best friend. John couldn’t throw that away so easily. He promised he would be there, after all.  
  
The Brit continued singing, telling Jesse the story he asked for,   
  
_“He spends his days up in the north park.. Watching the people as they pass. And all he wants is just a little piece of this dream… Is that too much to ask? With a safe home, and a warm bed.. On a quiet little street. All he wants is just that someone to hold onto. That’s all he needs, Yeah!”_  
  
John was watching Jesse the whole time as he was singing, and noticed that he looked really conflicted. Towards the end of the song though, Jesse seemed to get a determined look on his face, and John couldn’t help but wonder what the blonde was thinking about. After the last notes faded, and a brief applause from the crowd, John returned to his seat. Jesse looked like he had something to say.   
  
“Is everything alright?” John asked him. Jesse noticed that he looked really concerned and almost sad. The truth was that John was almost dreading hearing about the girl that Jesse longed for. He knew it was selfish, but he kind of wished that he could be the one to make it better.  
  
“Everything is perfectly fine…” Jesse said quietly. John frowned at Jesse, worry evident on his face, and Jesse just smiled a really woeful smile back at the brit. He then stood up and headed for the book.   
  
Now was the time.  
  
Jesse walked to the book and chose the song, Start of something good by Daughtry and went to the DJ to tell him.  
  
As he walked up to the mic, his heart was pounding in his chest as if it might burst out of him at any moment. He didn’t know if John would understand but… he had to try.  
  
As the music started playing, he closed his eyes and held the mic to his lips and began singing… Everything he kept inside: Every feeling, every hope, every secret, poured from his soul.  
  
 _“You never know when you’re gonna meet someone.. And your whole wide world in a moment comes undone..”  
_  
Jesse opened his eyes and stared at the sealing. He wanted to look at him, but he couldn’t bring him self to yet. He continued,   
  
_“You’re just walking around then suddenly.. Everything that you thought that you knew above love is gone.. You find out it’s all been wrong…”_  
  
He then, finally, turned his eyes to John, who had his trained on Jesse. John’s expression was unreadable.  
  
“ _All my scars, don’t seem to matter anymore… Cuz they lead me here to you…”_  
  
John stared at Jesse just listening. He wasn’t sure why but it was like the vale had been lifted, and he realized at that moment, Jesse was singing to him. He didn’t know how to feel.. Was.. was it him Jesse had been singing for all this time? It couldn’t be. Jesse’s eyes were locked on Johns, and his face was blushing as the words left his mouth. How could he not have seen it?  
  
He was visibly scared, but there was a determination in his eyes as he sang on,  
  
 _“I know it’s gonna take some time, but I’ve got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind.. This might end up like it should._  
  
 _I’m gonna say what I need to say, and hope to god that I don’t scare you away… I don’t want to be misunderstood._  
  
 _But I’m starting to believe that…_  
 _…This could be the start of something good..”_  
  
John stood up and walked closer to the stage where Jesse was singing. At first Jesse was worried John was walking out on him, but when he stopped a few feet from the stage, he had a small smile tugging on the corners of his lips. Jesse took that as a sign of encouragement as he continued singing.  
  
 _"Everyone knows life has it’s ups and downs… One day you’re on top of world..And one day you’re the clown. Well I’ve been both enough to know that you don’t wanna get in the way when it’s working out….The way that it is right now.”_  
  
John’s smile grew and he chuckled a little and the lyrics. Jesse was a clown sometimes, but that was one of the many traits that made him lovable. Jesse began to gain more confidence as he saw John’s smile grow. He didn’t even realize that a tear rolled down his cheek. Jesse continued singing, his eyes locked with John’s,   
  
_“You see my heart; I wear it on my sleeve…. Cuz I…. just can’t hide it anymore!”_   
  
He got down off the stage and stood in front of John, the mic in his hand shaking a little, the their gaze locked on one and other. The whole pub was silent as Jesse sang out to him with everything he had.  
  
 _“I know it’s gonna take some time, but I’ve got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind. This might end up like it should._  
  
 _I’m gonna say what I need to say, and hope to god that I don’t scare you away…Don’t want to be misunderstood. But I’m starting to believe that…This could be the start—_  
  
 _Cuz I don’t know where it’s goin’… There’s a part of me that loves not knowin’… Just don’t let it end, before we begin..”_  
  
John stared into Jesse’s eyes as he sang to him. The songs meaning ringing loud and clear.. How could he not have known? How didn’t he see it before? Jesse was pouring his soul into these lyrics and John could feel every syllable hit his very core.  
  
 _“You never know when you’re gonna meet someone…. And your whole wide world in a moment comes undone….”_  
  
Jesse smiled a really genuine yet sad smile at John, and continued the last of the song.   
  
_“I know it’s gonna take some time. But I’ve got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind, this might end up like it should._

 _I’m gonna say what I need to say and hope to god that it don’t scare you away… I don’t want to be misunderstood… But I’m starting to believe, John, this could be the start of something good..”_  
  
As the songs music drew to a close, the whole bar was silent. For a moment in time, the two of them just looked into each others eyes. Neither of them said a word. Jesse placed the mic back on the stand and wordlessly walked back to his seat. John walked to the book and flipped through it a moment.   
  
Jesse was still shaking. His biggest secret had just been confessed to John in front of a whole bar full of people - some of them fans potentially- and he didn’t know how John felt. He didn’t seem angry or disgusted at least. More shocked than anything. As he sat in the chair, waiting for John to take he turn, his heart was still pounding hard.   
  
_I guess I will find out what he thinks after tonight._ Jesse thought to him self.  
  
As John flipped through the book, he found the song he had been looking for. It had crossed his mind earlier that day, but he figured he would save it as a last song to sing before Jesse had to return to the US. However, after that performance from Jesse, he felt now was the best time to sing it. John walked to the DJ and told him “I’ll Be by Edwin McCain.” and then John walked up to the mic.  
  
As the opening music began to play, John spoke into the mic with a few things to say before the song began,  
  
“Well Jesse.. I heard you loud and clear this time.. and I suppose you’d like an answer from me, yeah? Well I have one..”  
  
 _“The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful… Stop me and steal my breath. And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky, Never revealing their depth….”_  
  
As the words left his mouth, Jesse knew exactly which song he had chosen. Somewhat shocked, he stared at John, fresh tears in his eyes as his heart pounded in his chest. Was it true? Could it really be?  
  
 _“Tell me….. that we belong together! Dress it up with the trappings of love. I’ll be captivated. I’ll hang from your lips. Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above….. I’ll be your crying shoulder.. I’ll be love’s suicide. I’ll be better when I’m older. I’ll be the greatest fan of your life…”_  
  
John removed the mic from it’s stand and stepped down off the stage and walked towards Jesse with the warmest of smiles. Jesse sat in the chair, his eyes locked on John. Unable to get up or even move. So many emotions were coming over him, he didn’t know what to feel. John continued singing,  
  
“ _Rain falls.. angry on the tin roof, As we lie awake in my bed.. You’re my survival… You’re my living proof. My love is alive and not dead! So tell me that we belong together! Dress it up with the trappings of love. I’ll be captivated, I’ll hang from your lips, instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above…_  
  
 _I’ll be your crying shoulder.. I’ll be love’s suicide. I’ll be better when I’m older. I’ll be the greatest fan of your life!!”_  
  
As he sang, John was replaying the past week in his mind. All the songs Jesse had been singing of adoration and love for someone he could never tell.. It was John all this time, who he longed to be with. All those emotions. It was all for him.   
  
He wasn’t sure when it happened, but he knew in his heart that he felt the same. He just had to let Jesse know. It was just a song, sure, but the past many nights in the bar, and the songs they were choosing to sing, had slowly become more than just lyrics. They had purpose and meaning. It was almost fitting in a way… John and Jesse’s whole relationship seemed to come back to music. It was how they met, for heaven sake! John sang on,  
  
 _“And I’ve dropped out, I’ve burned up, I’ve fought my way back from the dead._  
 _I’ve tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said…_  
  
 _I’ll be your crying shoulder, I’ll be love’s suicide. I’ll be better when I’m older, I’ll be the greatest fan of your life…..”_  
  
As the song drew to a close, John lowered the mic, just standing in front of Jesse, who was speechless at the moment. Jesse stood up looking into the brits eyes, a question on his lips that he couldn’t form.  
  
John took a step closer, and in the moment as their lips met, all the pent up frustration and emotions released all at once. John wrapped his arms around his best friend, and Jesse clung to him for dear life as they kissed, tasting each other for the first time, savoring the moment. They both didn’t care that the whole pub had been watching. Slowly one person began to clap, followed by another, and soon the whole bar was clapping and cheering as the two of them kissed.  
  
As they broke apart, John looked into Jesse’s eyes and Jesse stared back adoringly.  
  
“You have no idea…. no clue how long I had been wanting to tell you….” Jesse whispered. John replied with a smile, “I never knew…. But one day it just dawned on me… Perhaps I always did feel the same about you, Jesse.”  
  
“So what are we going to do now?”  
  
John just looked at Jesse with a smile, “We’ll figure it out.”  
  
As the clock then chimed midnight, he added, “Merry Christmas, Jesse.” Jesse smiled back, tightening his arms around him a little more, and as he pulled John into another kiss, he whispered back, “Merry Christmas, John.”   
  
*********End***********

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs Used:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMiVeK5zGz8 - I’ll Be - Edwin McCain  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUX5BAlzVJo - Start of Something Good - Daughtry  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RqmBnABeo0 - Be Like that - 3 Doors Down

**Author's Note:**

> Songs used:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXQViqx6GMY - All I want for Christmas is you
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUVKs4MeElU - Merry Christmas Darling


End file.
